This morning on my way out the door I got very sad leaving my babies behind. I've always gone back and forth about wanting to be a stay at home mom. I am very indecisive! I want to be there for my kids and watch them grow and I don't want to miss anything. But at the same time I want to contribute to the house financially as well. It's also nice to get out of the house now and then and socialize with adults. I just wish I didn't have to work very much....Maybe two days a week would be ideal but I know that for me that is just not logical.
When Garrett was a baby he was very typical and routine. He napped regularly, ate every 3 hours, bath at 7, bed at 8. If he was fussy a pacifier satisfied him and if he had a hard time falling asleep, swaddling him real tight would do the trick. He was easily entertained and very independent. So when it came time for me to go back to work, I was bummed about leaving him behind, but I was also confident that he would be just fine.
Shane is very different. He refuses to follow any sort of routine and no trick works twice when it comes to calming him down while he's fussy. I just want to be with him all the time until this passes or until I can figure him out better. I don't feel ready to go back to work just yet. I want to stay here and make sure that he is okay and he is happy. I love being the one to help soothe his upset tummy, make him smile, and cuddle him to sleep. I want that to be my job.
But in just a few weeks I will be back to working my two jobs and I get very stressed just thinking about it. I hope that I will adjust to being back to work smoothly and that Shane will not feel abandoned.... :(
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Baby fever!
Yup...I want another one!
So everybody knows that Adam and I decided on having just the 2 babies, so during my c-section with Shane I had a tubal ligation. Everybody told me to really think about it before I went through with that because I am so young but I decided that it was the right decision for me because after weighing all the pros and cons decided 2 is the best number for me and Adam.
But lately, I can't help but imagine how wonderful it would be to have a 3rd! Maybe a little girl.... I love Garrett and Shane so much and just looking at them makes me the happiest I can be.. So I think a 3rd little one a couple years down the road would make me that much happier!
The original plan was that once I start craving another pregnancy, Adam would get me a puppy instead. But I don't want a puppy! I told him that if I still feel like this in a couple years that I want to get a reversal and to try for another. Adam told me what I wanted to hear and said that he'd think about it, but I know that he definitely is not. He has no interest in having another.
And I can understand why. First of all, neither pregnancy was exactly easy on me. We also agreed that having just the 2 boys would be easier for us to focus all our time, energy, and finances on giving them the best. So I'm happy with that decision but I keep going back and forth....I think for now I'll just enjoy my blessings and see how I feel about the topic a couple years down the road.
So everybody knows that Adam and I decided on having just the 2 babies, so during my c-section with Shane I had a tubal ligation. Everybody told me to really think about it before I went through with that because I am so young but I decided that it was the right decision for me because after weighing all the pros and cons decided 2 is the best number for me and Adam.
But lately, I can't help but imagine how wonderful it would be to have a 3rd! Maybe a little girl.... I love Garrett and Shane so much and just looking at them makes me the happiest I can be.. So I think a 3rd little one a couple years down the road would make me that much happier!
The original plan was that once I start craving another pregnancy, Adam would get me a puppy instead. But I don't want a puppy! I told him that if I still feel like this in a couple years that I want to get a reversal and to try for another. Adam told me what I wanted to hear and said that he'd think about it, but I know that he definitely is not. He has no interest in having another.
And I can understand why. First of all, neither pregnancy was exactly easy on me. We also agreed that having just the 2 boys would be easier for us to focus all our time, energy, and finances on giving them the best. So I'm happy with that decision but I keep going back and forth....I think for now I'll just enjoy my blessings and see how I feel about the topic a couple years down the road.
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